One and a Half
by manyissues101
Summary: On the eve of her wedding, Kairi and Riku contend with things. "Your second choice." "No." She shook her head against him. "Not second...one and a half."


The plans had been made, the flowers ordered, the caterers paid for, and the clothes fitted. Everything in the wedding of the Keyblade Master to the Princes of Heart was perfect. The next day, they'd be married.

Kairi was sitting in the upstairs bathroom of her parent's home. Her dress hung from a rack in front of her, and she twirled her diamond ring around her finger. Everything was perfect, and tomorrow she'd be _so_ happy. But now--there were things left unsaid, things she couldn't say after tonight.

That's what led her somewhere familiar, a door on which she hesitantly tapped.

"Kairi? Are you okay?" Because Riku saw her eyes, saw through them, saw something slowly eating away at her, a feeling with which he was well acquainted.

"I need to talk to you," she replied, her voice hurried and slight, and _sad_.

"Yeah," he nodded, swinging the door open for her. Kairi shuffled in, eyes on the floor. She could _feel_ his concern radiating, that's how in tune they were.

"What's wrong?"

Kairi knew that most saw him as stoic, sullen, unfeeling. And maybe, to them, he was. But she couldn't ask for a better friend. She sat on one end of the couch, curling her feet beneath her, and rested her head on the arm. Riku sat next to her, one hand lightly resting on her back, and for a moment, Kairi thought that maybe that could be the end of that because Riku would sit, silent, with her all night if that's what she desired. But that wouldn't solve anything, would it? And after tonight...it would be too late.

"Riku?" She didn't lift her head, she didn't look at him.

"Kairi?"

She nodded slightly, sliding her arms beneath her cheek. "I love Sora, you know. I _love_ him. I want to marry him, and be with him, and love him..."

"I know." His tone was calm, unaffected. Kairi marveled at how easily he would have been able to fool her--if she didn't already know, that is.

"What do you think? About...that?"

"I think..." he sighed, "I think that it's a good thing, with the wedding tomorrow."

"That's not what I meant," she deadpanned.

"Well what do you want me to say?" Riku snapped, his tone, voice, a razor cutting little niches in her heart. Slowly, mechanically, she turned to look at him, so that he could _see_.

"I'm sorry," he apologized hastily. "I shouldn't have done that." His words were sorrowful, like all he ever did was try to keep their relationship cordial.

"No, you were right to. I shouldn't...this is all my fault, you know." She sat up slowly, her hair falling in a curtain around her face. Gently, Riku drew it from her eyes. This was the him that he couldn't be, the him that she couldn't have.

"It's not. I'm selfish, stupid, self-destructive. You're his."

"What if I don't want to be?" she asked, her voice breaking in all the right (wrong, wrong, this whole thing was wrong) places. Her crying propelled her into his arms, feeling wrong, dirty, more fragile than she'd ever wanted to appear. Her held her, and lowered his lips to her ear, carefully replying, "We both know that's a lie."

Kairi rested her chin on his collarbone, and looked up. "It doesn't have to be."

"Don't try to placate me Kairi, you know that this isn't what you want."

"Why does everyone think they know what I want?" She gnashed her teeth. This was more her than she let people see. "Can't I make my own decisions?"

"You have," he calmly replied. "You love Sora. You're...too good, you're doubting yourself to please me. I don't want to make you cry."

Her arms wrapped around him, she twisted around in his lap, and her head found his neck, her lips on his skin, they owned his skin, moving, sending shivers in him as she spoke.

"It could have been you, you know. You're everything...that I want to want. My...almost one."

"Your second choice."

"No." She shook her head against him. "Not second...one and a half."

He laughed, once, quietly, broken. "I love you. Nothing will ever change that, and nothing will make it go away. But I can deal with it, Kairi. I can pretend. You...you need to forget." He wouldn't admit to her, even now, the way her lips touched him and he thought about disengaging her from him, laying her intimately down on the couch, wishing that neither had the will to protest. These feelings would benefit no one.

"Why? Why would you just sit back and let this happen? Act happy while I get married?" Because, she knew, for all that she was hurting, to him it was amplified, times seven years, times darkness, times possession. It was a heavy equation for the heart, and hearts seemed the pinnacle of which their lives revolved of late.

"Because you're happy; Sora too. And I _will_ stand there, and watch you marry, and I'll smile and clap, and pretend I'm not in love with you. Because you're happy. Because I can't make you happy."

"You can," she sobbed.

"No. Not both of you, not in this way. I'll never be to you what he is, and I'd never betray him like that."

"You're the best friend, you know."

"No, I don't know about that. I've got a few contradicting stories." Because how could it not come down to _that_ in the end.

"Don't. There are things we don't talk about, for good reason." She pulled back, and saw it replaying in his eyes. "I will slap you _so hard_," Kairi threatened with a hiss. The smile that spread across his face was regretful.

"You're too good for me, Kairi."

"You can be happy, you know," she interrupted.

"I know. And you can help." When she cocked her head, he elaborated. "Go to Sora. Let him make you happy. Tomorrow...let all this be a distant memory."

Slowly, she nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

He flipped back into his Repressing-My-Feelings-For-You, Best-Friend mode. "I couldn't back out now; Sora couldn't have gotten half this stuff done if I hadn't have helped."

For the first time that night, she truly laughed. "You're right. We need you."

He smiled simply at her, this angel in his arms, happy, because she was happy.

"Wouldn't get anything done otherwise, lazy bums," he grinned. Riku placed a hand on her cheek. "It's going to be okay, Kairi." She nodded along as they embraced again. "Now go home."

Her head bobbed once. Then, ever so gently, she pressed her pinkie finger to her lips, kissed it, and, slowly, very slowly, hand shaking, ran her finger along Riku's lips. "I love you."

"I love you too, Kairi."

0-FIN-0

The first complete story since my surgery, I didn't think I'd have one so soon. But I barely feel the pain at this point, just the pins in the bone when I move it too sharply, or lay it a certain way. Which is good, because 12 Oxycodone a day was giving me massively annoying side effects.

I _love_ Kaiku. They're _all_ I can read lately. And good recs?

I don't own these characters. I just like to help them express themselves.

I have a challenge/request, for anyone is up to it. Just ask me, and I'll drop a PM your way.

Thanks for reading, darlings!


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